I get a jittery feeling whenever I see the word “new.” For me, it signifies a fresh start. Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and these can provide opportunities for new beginnings. The start of a new day, month, or year can be especially invigorating because it gives us the chance to start over and try again.

The month of November always brings me down. My past life haunts me and the memories of past pain during this month bring on anxiety. Although I have not fully healed from all the hurt, I am genuinely trying to move forward and become a better version of myself. It’s a bittersweet feeling because my birthday is also marked by the loss I have experienced. It’s not that I enjoy being unhappy, but I struggle with my birthday because my dad passed away on this day (may he rest in peace). My heart and mind are at odds with each other, with my heart wanting to mourn and my mind reminding me that he is in a better place now.

This November, I feel a sense of celebration within me. I want to turn my mourning into gratitude. Every time I faced challenges and walked alone, I know that He was with me. I want to celebrate the person I have become, the struggles and joys that brought me here, and the friends who supported me along the way (even if some of those relationships have ended).

Fun fact, November is the only month that begins with ‘no’. So I choose to profess nothing but positive vibes all the way.
No fear! Fear will no longer take charge of the decisions I make.
No anxiety! I will not stress over things that I can not CONTROL.
No going to bed angry! Radiating positive vibes in my dreams.


She finds it hard to trust again because the bitter taste of betrayal lingers in her mind. Anxiety caused by abandonment in her time of need makes her dwell in the dark spaces of life. Some days, her best days, a fake smile will form on her face to take her through the day. The raging thoughts within her are so loud and cause multiple anxiety attacks.

Harrowing memories flood her mind whenever she shuts her eyes. Images of pointing fingers laughing at her lingers from a distance bringing restlessness to her poor soul. Everyone around her expected perfection from her without consideration. The underlying presumptions about her reduced her life to somewhat meaningless and less worthwhile.

She identified with lies spoken about her with no one to defend her reputation. Who could have dared stand up and face her accusers on her behalf?. What could she say or do to prove that she wasn’t these lies? What could she do to receive the necessary love to keep her going? Every day was a nightmare on its own. She craved peace, joy and most importantly, eternal love.

Every day she breaths in dust and exhales smoke, which causes her to cough out blood, threatening her very own existence. She doesn’t know the difference and beauty of smoking free air. Fear and timidity have been her closest companion. She is perceived as uptight because her guard is up and ready for confrontation and rejection.

Her scars grow deeper with no one to hold her breaking soul and encourage her to try again. Did life come with a manual that her caregiver forgot to hand over?. Oh, how she wishes she had someone to tell her when this misery would end. Nothing ever made sense to her, broken beyond repair. The tears she cried every day did not give her solace anymore.

She had heard of a gift called salvation which she was to be purchased by pure gold. Who would have thought that the gift of salvation and happiness would ever knock at her doorstep?. Sorrow had become a constant companion, she welcomed her to make a home in her heart and soul. Twenty years under the sun, would salvation save her?.