Dear Diary,
Here I am bleeding out my heart to you for the millionth time about him because you won’t judge, you would understand. For a moment it felt like we had something beautiful, grounded, and rooted deep in our hearts. Guess my heart was the only casualty because he left with no remorse leaving behind a mess of my broken pieces for me to mend. Every time my phone rings I wish it was him calling, saying he made a mistake and he wants me back. My heart tries to move on but any form of solace is met with the harsh reality, I’m not over him.


But how can someone who looks so innocent be so cruel and unkind? He had a beautiful smile that drove me crazy and would make me obliged to smile back. His infectious laughter would make me join in laughter too, he was really funny. Black was his signature colour and he looked dashing in anything that he wore. The aura of confidence he carried mesmerized me, made me want to be a better person. I genuinely poured out my heart to him, hoping he would fill it with his love, he was my adonis.


I genuinely poured out my heart to him, hoping he would fill it
with his love, he was my adonis.

One of the most vivid memories that constantly slips my mind was the time we bickered because of some messages on his phone. During that quarrel, my brain kept on telling me all this didn’t matter, the content of the texts or the person the texts were addressed to. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrong and my love for him was determined to show him that we could live past his transgressions. He knew he was my weakness but this didn’t prevent him from dropping me as if I were hot coal on his hands.

The numerous texts that I send to him all go unanswered but my main focus is reminding him what we had or maybe get some closure. Don’t get me wrong diary, I don’t mean to be a pest but how do I begin afresh without him?. Sometimes I fantasize how good it was having him next to me, his scent, his smile, and his hands, the hands that caused me sleepless nights. Maybe my heart dived a little bit too deep too fast which made me seem a little bit desperate.

Even in this moment of distance and silence between us, my heart still beats for him. What we had was pure and I strongly believe nothing could contaminate it. May I find solace and peace of mind during this time of uncertainty and anxiousness? Move on? why would I move on from someone who has my whole soul?. Any sane person would move away from this toxicity but the memory of you keeps me warm at night. I’ll hold on a little bit longer.

Your complicated companion through life!